Crash Crying

Sometimes you have to cry. An emotional, gut wrenching release. So strong that in the end you're sobbing shakes your entire being.

It's been a long time since I've allowed myself to cry - trying to be strong. Keep in mind I wound easy and I don't heal quickly by any means.

So I cried. Long, and deep. Distraughtly and without reason.


That being said, lets move on to the events that led up to this moment.
Aka, the last 3 weeks...

At work:
We've been dealing with one of the girls coming back from maternity leave, one going on working vacation for a week, and then another girl going on vacation for 2 weeks. It's not easy to do all the switch'aroo'ing, typically we can handle it flawlessly, it's just a lot of work to prepare for those people being gone. Needless to say our normal routine was blown to pieces. Another change is that my position is changing from an administrative assistant to an research assistant moonlighting as an administrative assistant. This change is epic in proportion because it's completely different from what I'm currently doing. Firstly, I get my own office - sick I know. Secondly I'll be working under our Executive Direct Hire Recruiter. Thirdly, I'll be helping in the research and retrieval of candidates, as well as sourcing and eventually doing primary phone interviews. The DH Recruiter and I discussed what we were both looking to accomplish as well as just getting to know each other a bit, which shed a lot of light for me - at that point I didn't know what quite to expect. So I'm trying to close out all my current projects. I didn't realize quite how many balls I've been juggling until I started passing them on to other people. I seem to take on a lot of work, thankfully I haven't overloaded myself yet, we'll see how much I can handle until I explode. Next week is my last week to close out everything and fully prepare myself for my new position etc. so that should be fun!

At home:
Trying to juggle work and home life is harder then anyone ever let on. I realized that things don't always fit into a pretty little boxes with a perfect little bows, and that life doesn't get easier, it gets harder...much much harder. The decisions have more weight, risk, and sometimes reward. I'm trying to balance everything, and lately I feel like I'm unable to keep my head above water. I'll get it eventually I'm sure, or I'll have an emotional break down. Either outcome sounds exciting no? The garden needs weeding, the house is a disaster zone, my care hasn't seen a good bucket of bubbles in 3 months, and there are so many loads of laundry to do that if I start now it'll still take up the rest of my weekend. I'm trying to be rational and realize that there is always another weekend, that I don't have to shove it all into this one, unfortunately I've never been that rational - Thanks mama - hehe just kidding. Too bad things arn't as simple as they were way back when - then again I could have ended up much worse. So I've been jamming as much as I can into everyday, tiring myself out to complete exhaustion, and going backwards instead of moving forward.

Anyways...

The last three weeks have been chaos, and I fear that next week is just going to get worse.

I'll post again tomorrow - sorry this is just a bunch of half thoughts. That's all I'm able to muster at this point.

G'night